Another day, another dollar.
I’m starting to wonder if I can continue to put up with my boss. I know there is only so much bitching I can do before people start telling me to shut-up and deal with it. So, I’m going to whine while I can.
The department secretary is going to speak to the department head on my behalf tomorrow. Originally, she had set up the appointment so that she could speak to him first, and then I would join them—but I’ll be tied up with a broncoscopy and lung lavage (FUN!). I’ve been a graduate assistant for years now—it’s such a wonderful way to work through graduate school. It funds my tuition, and a small stipend—and gives me the freedom of a flexible schedule….which, with my health problems, has been the best thing I could ever ask for. Throughout my masters, I had three different professors that I worked for. The first professor? The best. (wink, wink fiancé!) The second one? Well, I didn’t learn much—but I was responsible for typical GA work. The third? I spent my full 10-hours a week working on a research project. It wasn’t fun, by any means, but it was research.
But, for some reason, when I moved on to my doctorate, I got paired up with someone that does not feel the need to use my allotted 20-hours a week for anything much research related. I cannot legally “help” with his classes—because he teaches my peers. It’s not as if he teaches the level below me—he teaches PhD students. I somehow still wind up being responsible for returning their work, or filling out their grade forms, which I do not want to be responsible for---Ever heard of FERPA!? As a student myself, I should not have access to my peer’s grades—it’s a violation of their rights. But still, I get put in awkward situations like this constantly. Not to mention, my days are filled with scheduling his appointments, making his copies, returning his missed calls, and doing absolutely nothing that will help me when I enter the job market. Thanks for nothing!
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Tomorrow is the lavage. Of course, I had to Google what this meant—which, unfortunately, is rather typical of me to do. The Googling has gotten out of control. It’s to the point where I take pictures of my blood work orders, just so I can go home and Google the tests that are being run. I mentioned this habit to my pulmonologist…his response? “Typical PhD.” I suppose I’ll take that as a compliment, but in reality—well, I just want to be informed. If I am being tested for XYZ, I want to know what XYZ is…it makes perfect sense to me.
So—I needed to know what a lung lavage was. This was Google’s answer: “A whole lung lavage procedure requires general anesthesia and intubation with a specific endotracheal tube, which allows ventilation of one lung while the other lung is repeatedly filled with saline and drained to clean out the material from the air spaces. The lavage is repeated in the other lung during the same day under anesthesia or repeated on a later date depending on the experience and approach taken by the doctors. The whole lung lavage procedure typically takes 2-5 hours to complete”……….My lung(s) is going to be intentionally filled with fluid? Really? That just seems wrong. And scary. But mainly wrong.
I also wanted more background on Sarcoidosis—the name of the disease that has been mentioned in front of me during many doctors appointments. Google says: “Sarcoidosis can affect any organ in your body. However, it's more likely to occur in some organs than in others. The disease usually starts in the lungs, skin, and/or lymph nodes (especially the lymph nodes in your chest).The disease also often affects the eyes and the liver. Although less common, sarcoidosis can affect the heart and brain, leading to serious complications. If many granulomas form in an organ, they can affect how the organ works. This can cause signs and symptoms. Signs and symptoms vary depending on which organs are affected. Many people who have sarcoidosis have no symptoms or mild symptoms. Lofgren's syndrome is a classic set of signs and symptoms that is typical in some people who have sarcoidosis. Lofgren's syndrome may cause fever, and enlarged lymph nodes” Fever and enlarged lymph nodes? Ya don’t say. Sounds pretty familiar to me.
But, in my overzealous Googling frenzy last night, I came across an individual that had been diagnosed with Sarcoid-Myositis. When I saw this, I got an instant lump in my throat, and an overwhelming desire to cry. Sacroid-Myositis? Well, I’ve already been diagnosed with Focal Myositis…and they are searching for Sarcoidosis…but there is a connection between the two? Shit. I had no idea. I couldn’t help but thinking that it all made sense---the doctors had never been able to give me an explanation for the Focal Myositis—they were never able to tell me why it happened, or if it would ever happen again. But this explained it…
It all started to make sense, and I started to get overwhelmed. Had I really figured it out on my own? Doubtful. Every illness the doctors had tested me for prior to this had made sense also. Let’s see…there was hyperthyroidism, Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, Lupus, and the list goes on….they all fit. They all made sense. And I was negative for all of them (well, baring the fact that lymphoma is still on the table…). I think I need to be grounded from using Google. For a long long time.
Ummm….if anyone sees my sanity running past them, could you grab it and return it to me at your earliest convenience? Thanks.
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