Lost and Unable to Find.

I've mentioned this all before...at least I think I have. I feel lost. I feel like I can't figure life out---that I should know what I want to be and know who I am. But I don't.

Two (and a half) college degrees. But I feel like I know nothing.

I have a full-time, decent paying job. But I feel like it's leading me nowhere.

I'm married. But the prospect of starting a family is so far away, I often feel like it will never happen. The same can be said for owning a home. For staying some where longer than a year, or a few months.....I've moved at least once a year since 2003. I'm ready to stop.

I'm sick. Or I'm not. Doctors, specialists, more doctors...more specialists. No one has an answer. All of my free money has gone to medical procedures this year. But, with the waves this illness (or not) takes me through, I just want to give up. I can't and don't want to feel like this forever. I hate being tired. I hate feeling run down. I hate the weight loss...now clocking in at 99.4 lbs....did I mention I'm 5'7''? I suppose the only good part about my job and my illness is that I understand everything a bit more. When I read my medical records, they actually make sense.

I feel so lost sometimes. I don't know where I coming from...and I don't know where I'm going. It's sad. And it hurts...on such a visceral level...on such a deep, unreachable level. So, if I don't know how to explain what I'm doing and where I'm going....I certainly can't explain it to anyone else. I do know that I can't start over...so, somewhere along the line, I have to figure it out. Hopefully, I will figure it out soon.