In one week...

...I will be a wife. Holy shit. And by holy shit, I mean....well, holy shit. It's such a weird thought--yet, at the very same time, it's completely calming. Which, if you ask me, makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. How can something scare the crap out of me, whilst simultaneously be comforting?

Well...I think this is how--the thought of this whole wedding weekend is making me want to crawl into a hole and hide. I think something has happened to me over the past year; not that I was every crazy, over-the-top, and in-your-face...but I never had a problem around other people. That's not to say I like being the center of attention, and public speaking...but it didn't make me cringe at the thought of it. Now? Ya. I cringe. I just shrink a bit internally at the thought of walking down the aisle, with 25 people staring at me. I shrink even more knowing they will be listening to every word I say, and then watching me kiss D for the first time as husband and wife. In fact, I think I'm terrified.

At the same time, on the complete opposite end of the spectrum, I'm so utterly calm about it--knowing it doesn't make D and me any different. Well, except for the legal aspect of it all, and stuff. I'm thrilled for the marriage...not so much the wedding part. These past two years have been such a rollercoaster; we've gone through so many up and downs. Or rather, I have gone through so many ups and downs, and he has been there to hold my hand through each and every doctors appointment, through all the tests, biopsies, new medicines, scans, blood work...you name it. It's like I had a personal cheerleader...despite not having much to cheer for.

So, with that, I will let the final countdown begin. In 5 short days, we will be in Vegas--and, if nothing else, it's twice the temperature there that is it here.