Errr...I forgot I had a blog. Yea.

Okay. So, I'm lying. I didn't forget I had a blog...I'm not sure anyone reads it anyone (excpet for my husband, who checks it daily). I just, well, I just....I'm just sad. I don't even want to verbalize it, be it even online through written words, because I just don't want to acknowledge it.

We move in 32 days. We haven't packed a thing. We've hardly gone through anything to try and scale it back, to minimize what we have, to lessen our move across many states. When I think about it, I get sick to my stomach. So, I avoid instead. I sit on my ass...like I'm doing now.

When we get to our new home, I'm jobless. We're moving for his job; I'm leaving (happily) my crappy assistantship behind. I've looked for jobs. Applied for quite a few. I've not been contacted for a single one. Above and beyond the jobs I've applied for, I don't know where to start---I don't even know our address, what's near by, if it's worth applying for a job I can't be at for over a month...And then, I get to right where I am with the moving/packing. It's easier just to ignore it, and then it won't make me sick to my stomach.

Speaking of sick to my stomach...or, well, just sick in general....I'm still feeling like ass. Ass ran over by a truck. And then stepped on by a dog. Or something. I've been working a lot lately at the golf course---somedays more than 12 hours. Just to save up. And it's been killing me. I'm tired to begin with--I just don't sleep well, and I am wearing myself out. It took me over a month just to save up $1k. I haven't heard back from the Cleveland Clinic about my blood work yet--I know it was supposed to take 6 weeks, and it hasn't been 6 weeks, but I can't help it...I want to know NOW.

We have been looking into a new(er) car for me. To be honest, I love the car I have now. It was a by-one-get-one-free Kia. My mom got the fancypants Kia, and my dad got the free one. He had it for a year, and gave it to me---I've had it for the last 5 years. Being that it was free, it came stripped. No radio. No power steering. No AC. And, now that we are moving South, I would kind of like AC. No, actually, I would really like AC. Not having it has been livable; summers have sucked though. We looked into getting a new Kia---but, they quoted me at about $280 a month...including my trade in....and? That $1k that I worked so hard to save this summer. Which would leave me with no "nest egg" for our move (that is, afterall, what I've been saving for, a bit of fall-back cash--if you will--just in case I cannot find a job right off the bat). And, if I can't find a job right away---those are scary payments to make, ya know, with no income and all. We are also looking at a 2001 VW Cabrio---a woman that golfs at the course I work at is selling it. It's three years older than the car I have now---and has 50k more miles on it than mine does. BUT...it's adorable; I could totally see myself driving this car (and I've never said that about a car I've owned before):

She's asking about $5,000 for the car. My husband would have to foot the majority of the bill on it; I just don't have that much saved right now. The miles on the car, as well as it's age, gives him pause. He'd hate for me to get a used car, spend a decent chunk of change on it, and have it conk out a few months into it. I get that. Trust me...I'd rather have the warranty of a new car any day...But, the thought of the payments make me want to find a hole...and crawl in. I should probably just keep my car...and keep a spare change of clothes for the extra hot days.

Anyways...those are my updates for now. I really should keep up with this more; it's slightly therapeutic to get it all off my chest.