Life....It's scary.

I remember (hardly) life before I had a baby. That was scary enough as it was. I was sick. Always tired. And I had pretty bad anxiety.

Come to think of it, nothing is really different, just added a baby to the mix. I suppose I don't notice being sick as much. Or being tired. I blame it on the baby. But I know it would still be here even if he wasn't.

But, there's always so much uncertainty. Like...what's going to be going on in 3 years? Or two? Or...tomorrow? It really does make me uneasy. And unsettled. As I was getting Niko ready for bed tonight, I looked down at him as he chugged his sippy cup, and I wondered...what's life going to be like when he's bigger...like, when he can talk? Will I be able to handle it? I mean, sometimes I have a hard time with him now, and he's easy to handle.

And what if I'd like to have another kid? I'll never get to have the relaxing night on the couch, lounging feeling the baby kick until 11pm...because I'll be in bed by 9, struggling with one already poorly sleeping kid, awaiting the arrival of another. See? See what my mind does to me? It's scary. Life...It's scary. I think far too much about far too much.

On another note...a note I'm sure you all want to know about (and by "all," I mean, whomever stumbles upon this blog long after I stopped writing in it on a routine basis)...my first period post baby. 652 after my last PRE-baby. Awful. It's just awful. I feel like a little teenager again, not knowing what to expect next. Can't wait for this to be over.