But let me back up a bit to the beginning....it might make more sense that way.
Back in about September, I was in a car accident. I was T-boned while I was at a standstill in a turning lane. Luckily, it was the passenger side of the car, I was fine, the damage was...intense, but, again, I was okay. But, the worst part about it was that I predicted it. The traffic where I live is the worst I have ever seen....and, I know everyone says that about where ever it is that they live...but, I have never witnessed driving like this before. No one signals. Lane changes are just frustrated drives cutting one another off---my original commute to work was over an hour long, and I'd witness many accidents a day. The day before mine, I actually said to my dad, "It's only a matter of time before it's my turn to get in an accident." And then it happened.
See my poor (brand new) car?
Anyways, following that accident, I started to have panic attacks whilst driving. If I'd see brake lights, I'd lose it. I'd get hot, nauseous...I'd feel faint, my heart would start racing. It was awful. But, the most stunning thing, was my trip (or lack thereof) home to Ohio for Thanksgiving. I got in the car early Thanksgiving morning. And I just felt awful. Sick to my stomach. I made it about an hour away from my house...after having stopped three separate times, in full-blown panic. I couldn't do it. I couldn't drive. There was no see of brake lights. No accidents. In fact, I'm not even sure what it was--perhaps the thought of being in the car for 8 hours, possible accidents...something. I just couldn't do it.
So, shortly thereafter, I decided I needed to see a psychiatrist. And, from the psychiatrist, I began to see a therapist (this was a long time coming and all). The first therapist I went to made me feel ridiculous....I'd never been before, so I wasn't sure what to expect, but she made so many off-the-wall comments that just shook me the wrong way. As usual, or so I assume, she asked lots of questions about my life...and I gave her lots of answers. Yes. Hi. I married someone 11 years older than me. We didn't tell his coworkers and my classmates about our relationship. My parents got divorced. I'm really close to my father. I'm sick, with no diagnosis. I work at a company because of connections my husband had. One thing led to another, and she started to make statements like: "Interesting. You're close with your father and married an older man," and "What is your husbands nationality? Is he Middle Eastern? He sounds controlling; most Middle Eastern men are," and, when I expressed stress with work (a job I obtained through connections with my husband), she responded with, "You need to quit your job. Now. Or find a new husband." Needless to say, I had to kick her to the curb---I was leaving her sessions more upset than when I entered.
So, onto my new therapist--who is amazing. If she weren't my therapist, I'd want her to be my best friend. I had to go through my whole history again, which I wasn't too happy to do, but---she was different. She listened, and didn't judge. She took notes, and asked insightful questions. She told me I was intelligent (big win). But most of all, she seemed to get me....get that I knew my fears were irrational, and that there was obviously a different way to approach them, but that I just....couldn't. Or, at the very least, couldn't do it on my own. Not yet anyways.
At tonight's session, she wanted to address my issues with sleep. Bottom line---amongst all other things that are wrong with me, I don't sleep well. Without medications, I have a had time falling asleep. Even with medications, I have a hard time sleeping throughout the night. And, no matter what---8 hours of sleep, or 12 hours of sleep---I always feel tired and fatigued.
This is where my poor sleep hygiene comes in. I'm a constant snooze-button hitter. I watch TV in bed. I do lots of things that don't help me decompress before bed....before bed. I sleep in on the weekends, thus throwing off my "sleep schedule." I drink caffeine past two in the afternoon. The list goes on...
So, she requested I try the following until my next session---which is two weeks from now. It'll be such a challenge, but, with any luck--it will help.
- I am to sleep for 7 hours a night; that means 7 hours from the second I hop into bed until the alarm goes off the next morning.
- The bed is for sleeping and sex only. That means no chillaxin', no TV watching, no lounging. Just Sleep. And Sex.
- I am to wind down 30 minutes before bed. This means all of my bed time routines must be done prior to "wind down" (i.e. brush teeth, wash face, etc.), and I need to do this in a dimly lit area, preferably reading a book.
- Once I start to get tired, I'm to go straight to bed....stopping for nothing that might jolt me out of my almost-asleep-phase.
- I am to wake up at the same time every day. This includes the weekends. No sleeping in. Ever. Up. At 6:20 am. Everyday.
- As I mentioned before...no coffee after 2pm; this will be hard. Also? No alcohol before bed either. This, surprisingly, will not be hard to manage.
So, tonight I shall begin my plight to obtain better (sleep) hygiene. I went to Target and bought 5 books that looked incredibly interesting....(I also bought a photo frame, and a few mini-ben&jerry ice creams, and nearly spent $90!).
Anyone up for some book trades afterwards? (Real books need only apply; I don't nook/kindle).
I'm hoping for good things out of this. I really am. I need good things.
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