Baby fever.
We've past the one-year anniversary mark. And, even now, the youngest I'd be with a kid is 26 (mind you, that's how old my mother was when I was in 2nd grade). Our neighbors--whom we repeat their names over and over, lest we forget them as we have times in the past--recently had a baby boy. I got to meet him yesterday, and he was just beautiful and wonderful, and all things amazing. And I wanted him.
I wanted one of my own. I want to go through that. I want to experience pregnancy, and all of its ups and downs. I want to give birth, and be a mother, and start a family. And, I feel like we have to wait. Wait until we know things like: will my husband get tenure? will my job continue to be my job? what about my crazy health ? what about a house first? what about my student loans/car payments? SO many floating "what ifs,"....by the time we get 'em all figured out, I'm afraid I won't be able to have kids (because I'll be 80). But, seriously. Nothing even says I can get pregnant. I was taken off birth control two years ago under the assumption that it was connected to my negative decline in my health. I just read so many stories about couples trying to conceive--and, I fear that may happen to us. It also may not...but, again with the "what-ifs."
Damnit....I just wanna little baby r&d.
I totally get it. Student loan payments are what is holding me back. Damn grad school was way too expensive.
ReplyDeleteAwwww, I totally understand. We can't seem to make up our minds about having kids. We have a lot of "what-ifs" going on too and that's why we just wait and wait and wait to see how things go. I'm also afraid that by the time we decide we do want kids, it's too late. =(
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy to know I'm not alone....Sometimes, my baby-fever feels so self-limiting. I <3 you guys for understanding.
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