Trials and Tribulations

I'm slightly at a loss for words these days---spoken words, that is. I seem to have no problem with writing my thoughts, but verbalizing them? Well, I turn in to a pile of crying mush. It's really pathetic. I have to explain to my family (and I should probably explain to my friends) that it's not so much that I am avoiding them, but rather I am avoiding me. With my health issues, work changes, wedding plans---well, everyone wants updates. And, me? Well--I just want to not update them. I've stopped calling my dad daily just to avoid repeating the status-quo "life updates," and I keep my phone on silent so I don't have to acknowledge incoming calls. Part of me thinks, for now at least, that this is just easier....So, sorry to all my family and friends, and I really hate to use this line, but....It's not you, it's me.
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The thought of keeping up with classes that I'm not even attending in person this semester is just a wash. Since I've gotten sick, it's been hard (and so far, not possible) to keep up with classes even when I go to them. But, now that it's all independent? Well, I just can't muster up the strength to teach myself new material. I called around to find out about medically withdrawing from this semester--no classes, no work--just getting better. I got shuffled around from office to office, and some how wound up on the phone with my old boss's wife's secretary. I know, what are the odds? Even still, she was going to transfer me to someone else (this someone else happens to be a student in my PhD program...who's been working on her PhD for 28 years. Ya. That's longer than I've been alive.). When I heard who I was being transferred to, I hung up. I'm not ready to open that can of worms tonight.
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While I was "working from home" today, I decided to get a hair-trial done. I've been growing my hair out for over a year, and was fearful that it wasn't long enough to have an up-do done, or at least not what I wanted done anyways. So, I went to a chain place--assuming they'd be rather inexpensive. I had emailed myself pictures of what I wanted in advance so I could show them on my phone (genius, huh?).
This is what I showed her I wanted:
She said no problem, and got to work curling my hair. I felt confident that she knew what she was doing; the curls looked nice just by themselves. But then she started to pull the look together---and I'm not sure what look she was going for, because she started piling and securing the curls at the top of my head. Hmm...not at all where I wanted them. So, I showed her the picture again, saying I wanted everything gathered down towards the bottom of my head--making it easier to put my veil in. She took out what she had pinned in, and pinned it lower, pulling the sides and the top straight back. Again, I showed her the picture---indicating that I was hoping to acheive a look very similar to the picture, where the curls were maintained all the way back. Now granted, I have no idea if this is possible to do with naturally straight hair--or if it would even look good on me---but that's why I was there, for her, the professional, to answer my questions and do it for me. She claimed it was possible--and started to reconstruct my hair again---but, as I watched her simply twist my hair in sections and pin it, I gave up. I wasn't going to have her try a fourth time to achieve the look--I had been there an hour already, and I was starting to feel my energy drain.

She was kind enough to take pictures--and while I don't mind the back, the sides and front are far from what I had hoped:

(Ya, I don't so much like the sides...at all)

(The back's not too bad...but not at all like the picture)

(Awkward picture with my veil--there was no good "place" to put it!)

I came home at attempted to make some personal amends to the hair--but, I'm not skilled enough to have made it look like the picture, so I just threw a Bump-It in, and called it a day. I didn't want it to be a total waste--so I took a few pictures of it with the veil, and fascinator I plan on using. I find it all to be very meh.

(I'm a bit sad/frustrated. It's been a long day by this point.)

All in all, it's not what I wanted--but it could have been worse. At least I know I have enough hair to do things. I just wish I had a better idea before we left for Vegas--and I simply cannot afford more hair "trials."

And now? I'm going to try to find a way to numb my body. I have the worst back pain (same place I've been dealing with...but it's attacking me ten-fold now), and my heating pad just isn't cutting it. I predict tears in my near future.